hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
