He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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