i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
