R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
