im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can't turn off my feet"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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