this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
