I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
