You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Pants are for mortals
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
