the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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