Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
too bad you live with your parents still
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Randomize
