we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
