my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
