he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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