I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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