My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo