Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
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