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• (269): View more from Michigan

  You're my little dorito

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.

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• (845): View more from New York

  she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night

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• (718): View more from New York

  With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.

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• (858): View more from California

  Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment

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• (941): View more from Florida

  I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I would fuck him just for his dog

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