Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs

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(440): View more from Ohio

i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.

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(630): View more from Illinois

just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(501): View more from Arkansas

And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"

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(281): View more from Texas

I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.

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(914): View more from New York

He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike

(1-914): View more from New York

Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?

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