Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me