she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
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You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
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Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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