I'm going to jail i love you
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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