I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
