why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
