We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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