apparently the secret to your success is patron
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
