i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
