Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Are my feet made of real feet?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's blow job season.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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