I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
