I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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