Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
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When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
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I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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