Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
