I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
