i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
