Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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