I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
