No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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