she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
