and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
