Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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