I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
