His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
