I think I won the penis lottery.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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