So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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