The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
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I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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