His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
