A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
