Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
