I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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