hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
