If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize