Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
