and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
