in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
