Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
