if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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