I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
