My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
