Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
