actually, I'm a sock model
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
