How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
