I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.