Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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