I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.