how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....