Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Drake has all the answers
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.