A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.