how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
