I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
