How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
