Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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