im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
