I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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