I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
