The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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