Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
