Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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