Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
