Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
