I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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