hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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