Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
