The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
But break dance skills will only take you so far
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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