I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
