dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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