i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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