hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
